reflections on 2022: as fireworks fade and flare

And the seasons, they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return, we can only look
Behind, from where we came
And go round and round and round, in the circle game

 reflections on 2022: as fireworks fade and flare

(a compendium of things that shaped my year)

literature: oh my most favorite books of the year

• the unbearable lightness of being- milan kundera
• the master and margarita-  mikhail bulgakov
• one hundred years of solitude- gabriel garcia marquez
• the dharma bums- jack kerouac
• ghostways: two journeys in unquiet places- dan richards, robert macfarlane, stanley donwood

“it all ends in tears anyway”

-jack kerouac

music: oh the melodies of my year

• clap your hands say yeah- self titled
• the glow, pt 2- the microphones
• on fire- galaxy 500
• my cute fiend sweet princess- kimya dawson
• on avery island- neutral milk hotel
• call the doctor- sleater-kinney 
• elliott smith- self titled
• the velvet underground & nico- self titled
• it’s the ones who’ve cracked that the light shines through- jeffrey lewis
• live through this- hole
• fresh fruit for rotting vegtables- the dead kennedys
• horse jumper of love- self titled
• chelsea girl- nico
• the moldy peaches- self titled
• fork songs- tall dwarfs

i just want to dance in your tangles

to give me some reason to move

but to take on the world at all angles

requires a strength i can’t use

-gardenhead/leave me alone-

cinema: oh the movies of my year

            though i doubt they’re isolated to 2022

• garden state, 2004
• harold and maude, 1971
• cabaret, 1971
• the royal tenenbaums, 2001
• 20th century women, 2016
• a room with a view, 1985
• moonrise kingdom, 2012
• god help the girl, 2014
• girl interrupted, 1999
• the darjeeling limited, 2007

“What flower would you like to be?”

maude

relation: to others, to the world, to myself

everything i do is a question

    each action asking

        is this me?

        who am i supposed to be?

    treading quietly 

    listening listlessly

even while we’re old and aging

    the human ears never stop growing; consuming

maybe it’s because

    we never stop listening

        listlessly

            treading quietly 

                    for the answer

final question:

i wonder the names of the trees

    that separate me

            from who i could be.

i wonder the names of the stones

    that separate soil from loam

        and debt to the devil in soulless loans.

january last year it snowed on the way to a school i don’t go to anymore, in a country i don’t live in anymore, surrounded by people i dont know anymore. i wish i knew what’s in front of me, but my past references point in a direction i no longer see…

thank you for another year…

    thank you for being here…