why the infinite abyss?

are you familiar with the hierarchy of infinity? 

        infinity is not a monolith. some infinities are larger than others. 

    this concept was explored in cantor’s 1891 “ u”ber eine elementare frage der mannigfaltigkeitslehren.”

with that in mind, welcome to my infinity. infinitely small and infinitely large.

infinitely infinite. 

       an abyss with seemingly no end.

today is December 1st 2022. 

i am 16 and today marks the fourth month of living in berlin, germany. 

    i moved from gowanus, a tiny, smelly neighborhood in brooklyn, new york.

        notable features: a superfund sight surrounded by a brownfield. the gowanus canal. toxic and full of old mafia skeletons with cement shoes.

                pollutants both physical and mental.  

i myself am lonelier than i’ve ever been. its an odd feeling realizing one has no friends for an entire continent. though i know its hardly singular. 

        a stones throw of approximately 3,965 miles before you’ve chance of hitting a “friend of barrett’s”.

            lucky arm if that stone lands in that toxic canal, or on the williamsburg bridge, or piers of red hook. 

                luckier still if it lands on the corner of st. marks. the probability reaches its height in the one mile radius around little poland or funky town. 

that’s not to say im brimming with popularity in the “city that doesn’t sleep”, or more accurately “the city thats too fucking busy trampling over its citizens to sleep”. i don’t mean to perpetuate this fallacy. 

    back in brooklyn im confident to say i was an obscure figure with in the crusty-non binary-tompkins-art school-teenage-clique-scene. a cult figure even. 

            my name ran through stoned circles greeted with “who?” or “oh yeah what happened to them?”

                    what happened to me? thats easy. around a year ago i got a flip phone, stopped going to links, and then after occasionally popping up at shows throughout the city, moved to berlin without telling anyone. 

                i miss my flip phone. i liked it until in a fit of rage i snapped in half while locked in a smelly car on a north eastern college tour roadtrip with my parents last spring. it seemed a logical solution to a very frustrating fight with some kid i used to know. 

todays worlds AIDS day. rest in power fred, rest in power to every soul lost. 

anyway… good luck exploring infinite abyss.

-barrett